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Bowls In Focus : February 2011
Bowls In Focus 35 There had been an outbreak of vandalism around our little village and suspicion was being cast on a group of young teens but there was no hard evidence. The local constable was doing what he could, but modern policing being what it is; it requires him to often fill the roster in town. The acts themselves were more nuisance than damaging, although Mrs Clayton-Brown, who takes charge of the local church choir and prides herself on running a very tight ship, as the diminutive Mr Clayton-Brown will attest, did take exception at having her letter box stuffed with empty beer bottles and doused in bourbon. Street signs were a target; Sus- sex Street had the first three letters blanked out; the ‘C’ in Carter Street was changed to an ‘F’; and Hilston Street where the well drilled choir performed every Sunday morning, had ‘Paris’ scrawled in front and the ‘S’ blanked out. This also infuriated Mrs Clayton-Brown no end. At the bowling club, some of the golf balls attached to the top of boundary pegs had been attached to the pointy hats and ears of stolen garden gnomes that were buried to their waists in the ditches. Wal was concerned that these hi-jinks would eventually lead to damage to his green and wanted the committee to take some form of action to prevent any such disaster. Just what sort of action he thought the committee should take he ‘would leave up to them’. “But,” he insisted, “Something has to be done!” Milligan took offence one night when he heard a noise in his back- yard. On investigation freshly painted letters on the ferret cages told him ‘old skunky pants smells’. Vandalism was a hot topic of con- versation After training one evening Reg Hanrahan, Wal and Milligan, while consuming beer, began hatch- ing a plan to trap the perpetrators, or as Wal called them ‘prepetators’. Fortunately I was leaving town for a few days and not able to get involved in their little scheme. They began to set the trap one Friday evening in the milk bar after the school bus had emptied and the shop filled with kids wanting their usual assortment of drinks, ice creams and lollies. Our brave conspirators loudly spoke about the mower shed at the bowling green having a broken lock and couldn’t be secured, and that they hoped no one would notice until a new one could be bought in town the next morning. Having sown the seed the vigilantes moved onto stage two of the plan. This involved ‘borrowing’ the nets from the tennis courts, lashing them together with string to form one large net, and suspending it above the shed door. The plan was that when the door was opened the net would be dropped on top of the ‘prepetators’ and the burly Milligan and Reg, combined with the nimble Wal, would jump down from the roof and secure their catch. What could possibly go wrong? After dark with everything in place the three musketeers hauled them- selves and an Esky onto the roof and settled in, eager to be the triumphant heroes who defeated vandalism. Time passed and when they hadn’t had a nibble, it was decided they should take turns to have a break. Milligan appointed himself the recipi- ent of the first break and wandered off home to have something to eat. Before returning to the stakeout he called in at the pub to have a couple of quick schooners and check the harness racing results at Geelong. Back on the roof a restless Wal, who was in dire need of a toilet break was hoping Milligan would soon return, when Reg alerted him to a noise coming from below. Meanwhile, after leaving the pub, Milligan circled around the clubhouse to check if there was any suspicious activity. He heard a noise from the mower shed and, keeping to the shadows, made his way forward. There was another loud noise and Milligan dashed to the door intent on snaring his prey. Above Wal, with his full bladder, and Reg unfurled the net and pounced on the unsuspecting villains. The trap worked perfectly, caught in the net was a heaving tangle of cursing humanity, while Reg and Wal wrestled the net securely over their catch. It was during the struggle that Wal’s bladder let go, causing an even greater storm of blasphemy from inside the net Reg fumbled for the light switch inside the shed, the illumination cast a light on a sorry scene. Trapped in the net was a damp and furious Milli- gan, while a star tled possum that had taken advantage of the open door to explore the interior of the mower shed ran off. Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny, but at the tennis club the junior tennis competition had to be abandoned because there were no nets. It was presumed to be the handiwork of vandals again. A wave of local lawlessness has had a larger than expected impact on Milligan and his motley mates in this latest yarn from the pen of ‘bush bowling bard’ Doug Maconachie... “Congratulations to Melissa Roberts form Echuca Victorian Ladies Singles Champion” Henselite, Almark, Taylor, Drakes Pride, Greenmaster, Taylor, Greenz, Hunter, Comfortpro, Greenmaster, Aledge, Holland Park, Cathead, Toressi, Domino, Fletcher Jones, City Clubs, Goodrich IllustrationbyRodMarget Strewth, talk about things that go bump in the night!
March April 2011